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Ally
             
What is an
Ally?
An ally is a member of the dominant social group who takes a
stand against social injustice directed at a target group(s) - for
examples, white people who speak out against racism, or heterosexual
individuals who speak out against heterosexism and homophobia.
An ally
works to be an agent of social change rather than an agent of
oppression.
Ally Week at UW-L will be Oct. 15-19 2007
Check out our events!
Resources
Follow the link below to access our Ally Training book. This pamphlet has a lot of knowledge in it about how to become an ally and what it takes. Are you up for the challenge?
If you would like to
become an ally, please contact
PrideCenter@uwlax.edu for
more information.
Ally Training Book
Ally Caucus
"What Should I
Do If...?": Answers to Commonly
Asked Ally Questions
How can I tell if
someone I know is lesbian, gay, or bisexual?
Ultimately, the only way to tell if a person is
lesbian, gay, or bisexual is if that person tells you.
Many lesbian, gay men, and bisexuals don't fit the
common stereotypes, and many people who
fit the stereotypes aren't lesbian, gay, or bisexual.
Assumptions on your part can be misguided.
The important thing to remember is that it is very
likely that someone you interact with on
campus is lesbian, gay, or bisexual, and to try to be
sensitive to that fact.
What should I do
if I think someone is lesbian, gay, or bisexual, but they haven't
told me?
Again, remember that assumptions on
your part may be inaccurate. The best approach is to
create an atmosphere where that individual can feel
comfortable coming out to you. You can do
this by making sure that you are open and approachable
an by giving indications that you are
comfortable with this topic and are supportive of
lesbian, gay, and bisexual concerns. If the
person is already out to themselves, and they feel you
are worthy of their trust, then they may
tell you. If the person seems to be in conflict about
something, it may or may not be because of
their sexuality. In this case, it is best simply to
make sure that they know you are there if they
need to talk. Remember, they may not have told you
because they don't want you to know.
How do I make
myself more approachable to people who are lesbian, gay, or
bisexual?
Demonstrate that you are comfortable
with topics related to sexual orientation and that you are
supportive of lesbian, gay, and bisexual concerns. Be
sensitive to the assumptions you make
about people - try not to assume that everyone you
interact with is heterosexual, that they have
a partner of a different gender, etc. Try to use
inclusive language, such as avoiding the use of
pronouns that assume the gender of someone's partner or
friends. Be a role model by
confronting others who make homophobic jokes or
remarks. Become knowledgeable about
lesbian, gay, and bisexual concerns by reading books
and attending meetings and activities
sponsored by LGBTQ organizations.
What kinds of
things might a person who is lesbian, gay, or bisexual go through
when coming out?
Because of the difficulty of growing up
in a largely homophobic society, people who are lesbian,
gay, or bisexual may experience guilt, isolation,
depression, suicidal feelings, and low self-
esteem. As LGB people become more in touch with their
sexual orientation, they may
experience any number of these thoughts and feelings to
some degree. On the positive side,
coming out can be an extremely liberating experience,
as lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals learn
who they are, gain respect for themselves, and find
friends to relate to. Coming out to others
can be an anxious process, as the individual worries
about rejection, ridicule, and the possible
loss of family, friends, and employment. For students,
college life is already stress filled, and
adding the process of grappling with one's sexual
identity to that mix can be overwhelming.
If someone wants
advice on what to tell their roommate, friends, or family about
being lesbian, gay, or bisexual, how can I help?
Remember that the individual must decide for themselves
when and to whom they will reveal
their sexual identity. Don't tell someone to take any
particular action; the person could hold you
responsible if it doesn't go well. Do listen carefully,
reflect on the concerns and feelings you hear
expressed, and suggest available resources for support.
Help the person think through the
possible outcomes of coming out. Support the person's
decision even if you don't agree with it,
and ask about the outcomes of any action taken.
What do I do if
someone who is lesbian, gay, or bisexual wants to come out in my
office, on my residence hall floor, or within the context of any
other group I am a part of?
Again, help
the individual think through the possible outcomes. Discuss how
others might react
and how the person might respond to those reactions.
Mention the option of coming out to a
few people at a time, as opposed to the entire group.
If someone has decided to come out, let
them know you will support them. Suggest additional
resources such as PFLAG, support groups,
resource centers, or other materials that may help
their coming out process.
How should I
respond to heterosexual friends or coworkers who feel negatively
about a person who is lesbian, gay, or bisexual in our office, on
our residence hall floor, or in any group I am a part of?
When such
problems arise, it is most useful to discuss this with the people
involved. Help them
to see that they are talking about a person, not just a
sexual orientation. Make sure that you
have accurate information so that you may appropriately
discuss the myths and stereotypes
that often underlie such negative reactions. Note the
similarities between LGB people and
heterosexual people. Be clear with others that while
they have a right to their own beliefs and
opinions, you will not tolerate anti-gay comments or
discrimination. Remember that others may
take their cues from you—if you are uncomfortable with,
hostile to, or ignore someone who is
lesbian, gay, or bisexual, others may follow suit.
Conversely, if you are friendly with the person
and treat them with respect, others may follow suit.
What should I say
to someone who is afraid of contracting HIV/AIDS from LGB people?
HIV is not
transmitted through ordinary social contact. It is necessary for
everyone to be
knowledgeable about HIV and AIDS. If a friend or
coworker is afraid and uninformed, use this
as an educational opportunity.
How can I support
LGB people without my own sexual orientation becoming an issue?
Be aware that if you speak out about issues related to
sexual orientation, some people may take
this as an indication of your own sexual orientation.
Take time in advance to think through how
you might respond to this. How do you feel about your
own sexual identity? Are you
comfortable with yourself? Regardless of your sexual
orientation, a confidence in your own self
image will make you less vulnerable.
How should I
respond to rumors that someone is lesbian, gay, or bisexual?
Let others
know that the sexual orientation of any individual is irrelevant
unless that person
wishes to disclose that information. If you can,
address any myths or stereotypes that may be
fueling such speculation. If a particular person
continues to spread rumors, talk to that person
individually.
How can I get
others to be more open-minded about LGBT people?
In brief, be a role model for others by being open and
visible in your support. Share your beliefs
with others when appropriate. When LGBT topics come up,
talk about them, don't simply avoid
them. Show that you are comfortable talking about these
issues, and comfortable with LGBT
people. Remember that part of your goal as an ally is
to create bridges across differences and to
increase understanding. While you may be motivated to
share your views with others, be
careful of being self-righteous; others can't learn
from you if they are turned off from listening
to begin with. Of course, your views are more
convincing if they are supported by sound
knowledge. Take the time to educate yourself so that
you know what you are talking about.
How can I respond
when someone tells a homophobic joke?
Many people believe that jokes are harmless and get
upset by what they perceive as the
"politically correct" attitudes of those who are
offended by inappropriate humor. Labeling a
belief as "politically correct" is a subtle way of
supporting the status quo and resisting change.
Most people who tell jokes about an oppressed group
have never thought about how those
jokes perpetuate stereotypes, or how they teach
and reinforce prejudice. Someone who tells
jokes about LGBT people probably assumes that
everyone present is heterosexual, or at least
that everyone shares their negative attitudes toward
LGBT people. However, most people do not
tell jokes to purposefully hurt or embarrass others,
and will stop if they realize this is the effect.
Responding assertively in these situations is
difficult, but not responding at all sends a silent
message of agreement. No response is the equivalent of
condoning the telling of such jokes. It is
important to remember that young people, particularly
those questioning their own sexual
identity, will watch to see who laughs at such jokes,
and may internalize the hurtful message. In
some instances, the inappropriateness of the joke could
be mentioned at the time. In other
situations, the person could be taken aside afterward.
Try to communicate your concerns about
the joke with respect.
How can I respond
to homophobic attitudes?
If you disagree with a negative statement someone makes about LGBT
people, the assertive
thing to do is to say so. Again, silence communicates
agreement. Remember what your goal is in
responding: not to start an argument or foster
hostility, but to attempt to increase
understanding. Disagreement can be civil and
respectful. Share your views without accusing or
criticizing. You are simply presenting another way of
thinking about the topic. It can be difficult
to speak out in support of LGBT people. You might be
afraid that others will question your
sexual orientation, morals, and values, or that you
will be ostracized. It is easy to forget that
there might be positive effects of your outspokenness
as well.
How can I respond
to people who object to LGBT people for religious reasons?
Usually,
there is no way to change the minds of individuals who base their
negative beliefs
about LGBT people on strict religious convictions.
However, while respecting their right to
believe as they wish, you can share some information
with them. Concerning "conflicts"
between LGBT people and Christianity, It can be useful
to point out that identifying as Christian
is not necessarily incompatible with being supportive
of LGBT people. There is a great deal of
diversity among the Christian community with regard to
beliefs about same-gender sexuality. In
addition there is much disagreement about the Biblical
basis for condemning LGBT people.
Many religious scholars argue that the Biblical
passages which are said to refer to same-gender
sexuality have been misinterpreted. It is also
important to point out that while individuals are
entitled to their personal religious beliefs, these
opinions should not be used to deny LGBT
people equal treatment under the law.
Adapted from the
Northern Illinois University Safe Zone Program
Compiled and
Developed by:
Anthony Papini
Center For Multicultural and Academic Initiatives
Bowling Green State University
Bowling Green, OH
2003
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