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Ashlee Helmbrecht

Director of Alumnae Relations

helmbrec.ashl@students.uwlax.edu

Life is s Journey, Not a Destination

Exactly 41 years ago, I began my very exciting 4 year journey at Wisconsin State University in La Crosse.  I happen to believe it is one of the most beautiful areas in the country.  Located on the Wisconsin, Iowa, and Minnesota borders and surrounded by beautiful bluffs on one side and the Mississippi River on the other, it is not only gorgeous, but offers a variety of physical activities throughout the year.  Falls are clear and crisp and springs are bright and enticing and winter brings snow and cold.  My first ski lessons were at night with the temperature hovering right around a balmy–10 degrees.  Needless to say, I wasn’t talked into skiing again until I was about 40.  I did however swim across the Mississippi River in the spring of my senior year. It was a foolish act and I was recently informed there is usually 1 death per year of students performing such silliness, but, my feeling back then was it was there and I could do it, so I did it. 

Maybe I was unusual, but I was so excited to be at school and I was even more excited to “Go Greek.”  At that time, you could pledge your first semester freshman year and become active your second semester as long as you met the grade requirements.  Interestingly, you had to attend the first rush party of every sorority on campus to continue rush.  This could be both a chore and confusing as a new kid on campus.  I don’t know if it remains the same, but during rush, you could not secretly meet with any actives, which meant to me that if you started confused, you pretty much finished confused but hoped you made the right choice.  After all, life is all about choices and this choice was certainly going to influence my 4 year journey.

As I reflect back, life in the 60’s was really pretty simple as a student.  Most of us didn’t work except in the summers to pay for our college expenses.  I was always so proud of myself because I was a lifeguard working 60 – 70 hours a week and never had to ask my parents for money except for tuition.  I just received my social security information and noticed that I made about $600 all summer, but I think my most expensive year at college cost my parents $1200 so I guess everything is relative.  Freshmen were not allowed to have cars and most of us never did get cars.  We walked everywhere and yes, even hitchhiked back then – it was acceptable practice.  You could drink beer when you were 18 but never on campus.  Everyone had to live in the campus dorms their freshman and sophomore years.  Boys were not allowed in the dorm rooms; girls had to be in at 10 during the week and 12 on Friday and Saturday.  We were allowed 2 late nights per month which meant we could stay out until 1.  Not following the rules resulted in punishment.  It was a safe and secure environment and I knew my only job was to graduate from college.

 But let me tell you of other events happening world wide in the 60’s.

1.    November 22, 1963, John F. Kennedy, our 35^th president was assassinated.  Do you realize it wasn’t until years later I ever saw that event.  We sat in our dorm rooms glued to the radios, but I don’t think any of us ever saw a television in 4 years. 

2.    Lee Harvey Oswald was then shot in front of the TV cameras by Jack Ruby.

3.     The Beetles appeared live on TV on the ED Sullivan show - missed it. 

4.    After all of us had practiced for months looking cool smoking, the US surgeon general issued the first government report saying smoking may be hazardous to one’s health.

5.      The last Studebaker was produced and Ford unveiled the new mustang at a base price of $2,368.

6.     President Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act that guaranteed the vote for everyone and prohibited segregation in public places. 

7.    Police arrested 824 students at Berkley who staged a sit-in as part of the Free Speech Movement. 

8.    Paul McCartney was “turned onto pot” by Bob Dylan.

9.    In Selma Alabama, Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and 800 of his followers were arrested on their civil rights march.  He was later murdered. 

10.           We had approximately 200,000 soldiers fighting an undeclared war in Viet Nam with an equal amount of antiwar demonstrators in DC and New York City. 

11.           Malcom X was murdered. 

12.           We participated in the first superbowl where Green Bay defeated Kansas city in LA,

13.           and the first heart transplant recipient died 55 days after his transplant. To put that in perspective, my best friend asked me to give the eulogy at his funeral 8 years ago and he just celebrated the 10^th year of his heart transplant.

My point, it wasn’t always a safe and secure time.  It was probably the most politically active time since World War II with a lot of civil unrest, but our innocence seemed  protected.  I think many of us were trying to become the adults we chose to be, and for me, much of that decision was now being influenced by my first family outside of my home which was AO.  I was suddenly accountable to a group of peers.  I had to dress and act appropriately on campus or I would be reprimanded by my sisters. I had to visit the nursing homes as our philanthropy project.  We participated in songfest and winter carnival.  We sold holly to raise money.  Everything we did, we did as sisters, including bickering among ourselves.  But we learned loyalty and we learned how to disagree without hurting or hating the other person.  We learned how to compete and how to win or lose with pride and humility. We learned how to coexist and we learned how to be best friends.  I learned the basis for my future life.  I learned that for myself and for my self image, I had to

1.      do what’s right

2.      be the best I could and not  accept mediocrity

3.      treat other people as I would like to be treated.

I even reconfirmed these guidelines in raising our children and in being a wife and friend.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to say I’m sorry, but I’m doing the best I can or how often I’ve had to trust that our children were telling the truth.  Life is about challenges and experiences, not about lies and excuses.  When my Mom faced a diagnosis of cancer and survival was questionable, I was able to hug her and say I’ve said all that has to be said and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.  My best friend at work was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, most often a terminal disease.  In speaking with our mutual friend last week, through tears she repeatedly said, “I’m not ready to let him go; I have so many things to say to him.  I sympathized for a long time and finally said, “Carol, Jim’s going to be okay.  He’s made his peace and said what needs to be said.  You have to understand at any given time you and I may never see each other again.”  She thought for a very brief moment and said, I do understand…..Live like you are dying, then nothing would ever go unsaid or undone.

But even as I reentered the work place, I knew that the foundation for my life success was important to others.  I knew that the people meeting me were asking  similar questions to what I had asked myself.   They were making decisions about me by asking

1.     can I trust you – do I do the right thing

2.     are you committed to excellence – am I the best I can be

3.     do you care about me as a person – do I treat you the way I want to be treated.

If you can answer yes to these questions, you will be successful in your life journey and you will automatically carry with you a positive attitude that will create the winner within you.  I can remember about 10 years ago I was in the height of my career challenge.  I was a sales rep for a local title company and had received numerous awards from the Greater Dallas Association of Realtors.  A friend of mine at that time asked me what my mission in life was.  My mission in life!  No one had ever asked that so it kind of set me back.  Quite simply I responded, to make others happy.  I truly believed that if I did what was right, and I was committed to excellence and treated others with love and respect, that I could help them reach their goals and in turn make them happy.  People sought me out and I have been told I truly rewarded and influenced them with my positive attitude.

I had lunch with that same friend about a month ago and she asked me the identical question and reminded me of my last answer.  She knew my answer would not be the same.  My life had changed dramatically and the answer was no longer as simple.  You see, 6 years ago this month, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and given less than a 40% chance of survival.  I was told at best case I would have 6 months of chemotherapy followed by a second surgery which would predict my future.  Do you want to know how quickly I was asking myself of this oncologist, can I trust you, do you demand excellence and will you treat me right?  The real kicker is that I had just been recruited by my present title company and had been working with them for 6 weeks.  I never get sick – but they didn’t know that.  I called the Chairman of the Board and asked him to come visit with me.  He already knew I had cancer but had no idea what I would ask.  I told him that best case I would have 6 months of chemo and after that I had no idea what my prognosis would be or if I would even live to see the end of the chemo. I asked him if we could renegotiate my salary. His response was, Lynn we hired you for the long run.  You work when you can and if you can and never think about it again.  Believe me when I say, I was one of the few ladies receiving chemo who had a company supporting me.  Did they do the right thing and could I trust them?  Diagnosis cancer is frightening enough, but to not have a job and insurance is even worse.  So, here’s the facts.  I have cancer;  I have less than a 40% chance of survival, I’m going to have chemo which will kill everything, including good cells in my body and within 14 days I will lose my hair.  The first decision I have to make is if I personally want to live or die.  Remember earlier today I was discussing attitude.  I had to draw on that real hard.  I knew the final outcome was not my choice, but I knew that I could choose to live until I die.  That’s pretty much when I confirmed that life was a journey and this was just going to be a detour in the road.  I looked at my Doctor and I said, okay, if I have to do this, I’m going to be the best patient you’ve ever had.  (Be the best you can)  I read all about the cancer; I prayed real hard; I kept myself physically fit; I prayed again even harder; I learned as much as I could about chemo and then I prayed some more.  I set goals and was determined to meet every one of them.

My parents came to visit me just before my first chemo.  I spent the day receiving the first treatment and survived it.  It was time for my parents to leave and I laid in bed praying.  I didn’t know if I could say good bye to them knowing I might not see them again.  In the corner of my bedroom was God.  He said to me, Lynn, you have a hard journey ahead of you, but you will be fine.  I believed that then and throughout the treatments.  I said goodbye to my parents and knew I would see them again.

Loosing your hair for most women is difficult.  It wasn’t for me, but if you wonder, you do lose every hair on your body.  One morning I was applying mascara to my eyelashes and each one just fell on my cheeks. From that time on, I was ready for work in 10 minutes and no, I never wore a wig but always sported some wide brimmed hat.

During this time, I prayed for strength and comfort and that if I lived I would know my mission.

After 6 months, I had a second surgery.  I still had cancer.  I had to have 3 more months of a second chemo and one month of radiation.  I did find out ladies, that yes, we can be too thin!!!!  Every day I had to be weighed for radiation and every day I had something just a little heavier in my pocket.  My goal was to have that stuff for 30 days and be finished.

Exactly 1 year from my diagnosis, I was finished with treatments and am happy to say this month is my 5 year celebration.

My new mission is no longer to make people happy, but to help people survive trials, tribulations, and even failures.  My husband tells me I am no longer as lighthearted, but I think life does become a little more serious with a life threatening disease, especially when you consciously decide to help others survive.  However, I’m convinced that the right attitude combined with faith will help you overcome.  I have counseled many people through cancer to fight the fight.  Some survive, some don’t.  But I don’t let them go down easy.

I couldn’t have done this without my faith and without the help of my family.  My children and Husband were with me every step of the way.   But so were all those people that I helped make happy the first part of my life.  I received hundreds of floral arrangements and thousands of cards.

I would not choose to have cancer and yet I feel that it has changed my life in many ways so that I don’t regret the experience.  Life is a journey and it’s all about decisions.  

“When all is said and done, our lives will either be a collection of experiences or excuses.  Unfortunately, most people wait until all is said and done to decide what they want to collect.”  

What are you deciding to collect in your journey?