Sandra K. Koster, Ph.D. Lecturer Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Department of Chemistry
4003 Cowley Hall
Office Hours: Summer hours are by appointment
(608) 785-8282CHEMISTRY JOKES
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike AdamsFrom: ericd@jubal.mdli.com (Eric Desch)
Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!From: Brian McClain briguy@ecst.csuchico.edu
How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker?
None. That's what organic chemists are for!From: kab4242@utxvms.cc.utexas.edu (Kevin Anthony Boudreaux)
It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue. --quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science With a Smile (1992)From: Erin Leonard (not:Mariella Wells) Merit wellsm@hsdemo.merit.edu
Cartoon: (A man and a woman are sitting at a bar. One has a shirt saying 'Polar', the other, 'Non-polar.') Man: Sorry babe, I just don't think the chemistry is right.From: CJHEMMIN@SCIENCE.uwaterloo.ca (Christopher Hemming)
Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.From: "V. ROGERS" TEXVR@leeds.ac.uk
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action.
'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.Chemical: A substance that:
1) An organic chemist turns into a foul odor;
2) an analytical chemist turns into a procedure;
3) a physical chemist turns into a straight line;
4) a biochemist turns into a helix;
5) a chemical engineer turns into a profit.Natural Product: A substance that earns organic chemists fame and glory when they manage to systhesize it with great difficulty, while Nature gets no credit for making it with great ease.
YOU MIGHT BE A CHEMIST IF
From: wpenrose@interaccess.com (William R. Penrose)
- You keep a picture of Mme. Curie over your desk -- and it turns you on.
- You know that Anal. Chem. is not the title of a raunchy video.
- You think that fresh air smells bad.
From: "Rebecca M. Chamberlin" rmchamberlin@lanl.gov
You pronounce "unionized" with 4 syllables....
From: Rich Lemert RLemert@continet.com
- You're a chemist if you wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom.
From: Rob Buckley R.Buckley@sct.gu.edu.au
- you played with explosives as a kid - and still have all you're fingers.
- you're favorite activity is testing the water in the fish tank – and you don't even have any fish.. (if you have fish, you are a biochemist).
From: Mooseman@FATE.ohz.north.de (Bjoern "Mooseman" Harste)
(Blame JV for the translation from German.)
The last words of a chemist:
1. And now the tasting test.
2. May that become hot?
3. And now a little bit from this...
4. ... and please keep that test tube alone!
5. And now shake it a bit.
6. Why is there no label on this bottle?
7. In which glass was my mineral water?
8. The bunsen burner *is* out!
9. Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
10. *H* stands for Nitrogen - and that does *not* burn...
11. Oh, now I have spilt something...
12. First the acid, then the water...
13. And now the detonating gas problem.
14. This is a completely safe experimental setup.
15. Where did I put my gloves?
16. O no, wrong beaker...
17. The fire alarm is just being tested.
18. Now you can take the safety shield away...
19. And now keep it constant at 24 degrees celsius, 25... 26... 27...
20. Peter can you please help me. Peter!?! Peeeeeteeeeer?!?!?!?
21. I feel it how long 15 seconds are!
22. Something is wrong here...
23. Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?
24. Trust me - I know what I am doing.
25. And now a cigarette...From: jay.freedman@pacsibm.org (Jay Freedman)
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
From: bill.considine@execnet.com (BILL CONSIDINE) DeLuxe 1.1 #9385
Old chemists never die they just reach equilibrium
From: wmaya@csupomona.edu (Walter Maya)
Old chemists never die, they just smell that way.
From: Tim.Nelson@Canada.ATTGIS.COM (list of Old * Never Die, they just)
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
From: "Dr. Gulshan Wadhwa" ishan60@hotmail.com
old chemists never die, only their entropy increases
From: Philip Clarke clar0318@flinders.edu.au
Organic Chemists do it on the bench. But seriously, its pHun!Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
From: Jason
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
Billclintium Bc
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House.Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.From: rchin@resident.kenso.unsw.edu.au
To the tune of Losing My Religion by REMThat's me in the acid
That's me in the test tube
Losing my electrons
Trying to keep my ions true
But I don't know if I can do it
Oh no this work's too tough
I didn't study enough
I thought that I saw it bubbling
I thought that i saw it burn
I think I thought I heard it pop(By Allison Healy and Melissa Shong)
David Smillie:
Little Willie was a chemist.
Little Willie is no more.
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?
From: Dr. Stuart Savory savory.pad@sni.de / savory.pad@sni-usa.com
"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?". -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [German physicist]
From: sue@dnai.com (Sue Reinhold)
"You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother." - Albert Einstein"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
? Douglas Adams
From: edftz@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology. -- Carl SaganEmail me at koster.sand@uwlax.edu
Send any jokes you'd like to appear here.
Last modified 5/18/99