Beards Unite!

Gentlemen, the time has come to show of what you’re made,

For 30 days you’ll forfeit any chance of getting laid.

For 30 days you’ll be the man that people will remember,

Welcome, all my bearded friends, to Neanderthal November.

 

Day 1 you’re bare as baby’s ass

All red-cheeked, smooth and cute

Day 3 you’re getting fuzzy

Like a peachy kind of fruit

By day 10 people realize

You’re lazy and disgusting

Which only adds to the prestige

Of the beard you can’t stop touching.

2 weeks roll by, you’re halfway done

you never thought it’d be so easy

and you’re proud to be a man who’ll

voluntarily look this greasy.

But all great things, eventually,

Must surely come to end

And by December first you’ll discover

You’ve got a new best friend.

He’s on your chin, he’ll never leave,

He’s what your girlfriend always feared,

By then you’ll know that life’s not worth living

If it’s not lived with a beard.

 

So gentlemen, come one, come all and join us in our quest

Be proud of being hairy, be proud to look your best.

It only comes but once a year, the month we all remember,

Welcome, all my bearded friends, to Neanderthal November.

-Jay Lehu-