Campus Connection

Tips from UWL psychologist on overcoming loneliness, building meaningful connections

"I feel completely alone in the world."

"I have to shoulder all of life's challenges by myself."

When people feel lonely, these are some of the painful thoughts they may have. And a lot of people feel this way. 

One in three U.S. adults experiences measurable feelings of loneliness, according to the Centers for Disease Control. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness and social isolation a national epidemic. More than just a feeling, loneliness is a public health issue that puts people at greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression and other health issues.

Loneliness is not confined to any one group; it affects people of all ages, backgrounds and abilities. However, it has become especially prevalent among the elderly and young adults, explains Ellen Rozek, UW-La Crosse associate professor of psychology. Rozek, whose research focuses on aging and lifespan development, has published studies on loneliness and discussed its causes and effects in the media, including an appearance on “The Larry Meiller Show” on Wisconsin Public Radio.

Rozek explains that risk factors for loneliness vary from person to person, as individuals perceive the world through their culture, personality, life stage and other influences. For young people, loneliness often arises during transitions like moving to a new school and needing to build new social networks. High social media use can worsen loneliness by prompting comparisons with others’ seemingly perfect social circles.

For older adults, loneliness can be tied to digital exclusion — lack of access to or knowledge of technology can isolate seniors from online communities. Some older adults have physical health issues or transportation barriers that can prevent them from engaging in social activities, increasing their feelings of loneliness. 

Changing social landscape

Americans today spend significantly less time socializing in person than at the start of the 21st century. The decline in physical gatherings, coupled with a rise in online interactions, has reshaped how people connect. While social media offers an endless stream of virtual “friends,” the key to meaningful relationships isn’t the quantity of interactions, but the quality, Rozek explains. 

“You don’t get a best friend magically. You get it through shared experiences over a long period of time,” she says. “To create meaningful connections, it’s important to begin with low-stakes, casual interactions with others.”

Tips for building connections 

Rozek offers practical advice on how to form deeper connections and combat loneliness. 

Embrace a ‘third place’ 

One of the first steps in building meaningful relationships is simply spending time with others. Research shows it takes around 200 hours of togetherness to form close friendships. Rozek emphasizes that having a “third place” is key to creating these opportunities. A third place is any setting outside home or work where you can engage with others — like a coffee shop, library, gym or local park. It doesn’t have to be formal or expensive — just somewhere social interaction happens naturally. Rozek recommends “Finding Your Third Place” by Richard Kyte, director of the D.B. Reinhart Institute for Ethics in Leadership at Viterbo University. 

“The first time you go to a new place, it can be awkward. It’s tough being the new person,” Rozek admits. “But if you push through that discomfort and show up regularly, you’ll start to meet people and build connections.”

Adopt an ‛outward’ perspective 

Loneliness often leads us to focus inwardly, evaluating our own situation. Rozek suggests turning that focus outward. Volunteering to help others or practicing gratitude are two ways to reframe loneliness by shifting attention to the needs and contributions of others. 

Acknowledge the struggle of transitions 

Loneliness often strikes when we experience a significant transition such as a breakup, the death of a loved one or a move to a new city. “These transitions can be tough. It’s important to recognize that it takes time to adjust,” Rozek says, recounting her own experience moving away for college. Despite feeling physically ill in the first week of school, her family encouraged her to stay for six weeks to give herself time to adjust. “It was painful, but that period of discomfort ultimately helped me build lasting connections.” Rozek adds that many university employees are available for support when college students transition to campus, such as resident assistants, counselors and faculty. 

Don’t hesitate to ask for help 

For some, loneliness is compounded by other factors like trauma. In these cases, seeking professional help can make a significant difference. Rozek encourages people to reach out to counselors or trusted individuals in their network. Asking for help is also an important part of how people build strength and depth in relationships, she adds. 

Supporting someone who is lonely 

You may know someone who seems lonely or isolated, whether or not they express it. Reaching out can provide a much-needed connection. These connections and conversations don’t need to be in depth to make a difference. A simple phone call, a text message, or even a brief conversation can help someone feel seen and supported.  

Loneliness vs. social isolation?  

Loneliness is not the same as social isolation. While social isolation can be quantifiably measured by factors like how many phone calls you receive a week, loneliness is about how you feel about your perceived social network. People have different levels of introversion and extroversion, so what one person may consider to be a lacking social network, might be another’s perfect number of friends and connections.  “How you perceive the world will influence whether or not you experience loneliness,” she explains.  

UWL Psych Hour 

 At UWL, initiatives like Psych Hour, organized by the Psychology Department, are designed to create shared experiences among students. While Psych Hour is open to all faculty, students, and members of the campus community, Rozek offers psych majors an opportunity to participate for credit. As a part of the course, they must participate in a randomly assigned group that sits together during Psych Hour and must attend three campus events together during the semester. Most students say that while the initial awkwardness is tough, it's ultimately rewarding and helps them feel more connected to the department and university communities.