Posted 3:34 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 28, 2026
Coping with grief and finding connection
My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh tells the story of an affluent (former) art gallery employee, living in the upper east side of Manhattan. The unnamed narrator experiences the loss of both her parents, one dying by suicide and the other by cancer. Her idea of the best way of handling this grief and sorrow was to use drugs and sleep as a way of "resetting her life". This idea of grief suppression is important to acknowledge.
Throughout the story, the narrator is thought to have everything that is needed for success; she has money, at the time she has a job, a relationship (albeit a toxic one), and a friend who is close to her. To me, it seems the narrator is almost too embarrassed to grieve the loss of her parents. She may feel as though she must stay strong and not feel her feelings. So her coping mechanism for this grief is the aforementioned drug-induced sleep.
While the narrator believes that this rest will help with her grief, it does the opposite. Her body is unable to go through the stages of grief and confront her feelings head on. Grief is a normal and natural response to loss or significant change in a person’s life. This can impact the body in many ways, whether it is mental or physical. Physical pain can be caused, as well as appetite change, issues with decision-making, and lowered immunity. When experiencing grief, it is important to acknowledge what you are feeling unlike Moshfegh's narrator.
There are many ways to handle grief, and it is different for different people. There are 3 Cs of Grief that I think are important to remember: choose, connect, and communicate. "Choose" is about making decisions that make you feel empowered; these can be small as you may experience fatigue when grieving. "Connect" is finding people who support and care for you in difficult times. This may be family, chosen family, friends, or even support groups. "Communicate" is expressing your feelings however you see fit. This could be to another person, in a journal, or even to yourself.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, check out these campus resources!
- UWL Counseling & Testing Center
- 2106 Centennial Hall
- 608-785-8073
- Mantra Health
Haleigh Cartwright, Lead Peer Health Advocate
